This situation became too similar as the last Her. All these secrets.
"Don't talk about me."
"She'll find out."
"Text and facebook chat only."
Only nearly untraceable ways of communication. For fuck's sake, its not like we're engaging in underground blood orgies. Our "secret meetings" are barely flirtatious and nothing untoward ever goes on. It's not like we are secretly dating. We're secretly FRIENDS. This is bullshit. I can't do this. I can't put myself though this.
God! Thinking about not talking to you hurts so badly. I miss you so much already. It's humiliating. It shouldn't be like this. I should be OK with this. Its only been FIVE GODDAMN WEEKS. I shouldn't have these feelings. Why does this always happen to me? It seems like I keep having these intense relationships with people and there isn't ever any sex. It's all completely emotional. It hurts worse.
How can something so unphysical hurt so much. My chest aches and my ribs hurt like I've been punched in the chest. Thinking about you makes it hard to breath. I don't understand it. It would make more sense if I was in love with you. Such loss of a friend shouldn't do this to me. I don't get it and it scares me.
I miss you so much. Come back to me when she's OK with it, please. I'm buying your surprise gift and holding it for you until that day comes. I hope it's soon.